More Rules, More Freedom

Structure, Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations

Hey there! Today, I want to talk about something that might surprise you—children love rules. Yes, that’s right, they actually love them!

As a dad of three, I know it might seem like kids are always pushing against rules, trying to bend or break them to get what they want. But put a group of kids in a playground, and the first thing they do is create a game. The next step? They set and agree on the rules: the objective, how to win, what’s not allowed, and where the safe zones are.

Even when left to their own devices, children crave a sense of structure. They want to be sure about what they’re doing and feel confident they’re doing it the “correct” way. This lets them express themselves freely, knowing they’re safe and secure within the game's rules.

When children play, they create a stress-free environment where they feel certain, safe, and secure. These feelings come from the structure, rules, boundaries, and limitations they’ve set up. Kids understand that their enjoyment depends on these guidelines, and anyone who breaks the rules quickly gets labeled a cheat and might even be excluded from the group.

So, from a young age, children not only accept but also enforce rules among themselves. It’s a form of discipline they instinctively understand.

Take video games, for example. They are essentially rule-based scenarios where players know there are rewards and penalties for each action. This predictability makes video games a safe and secure place for kids, especially timid ones. It’s interactive, immersive, and consistent—what’s not to like?

As a karate instructor, I see firsthand how children thrive with structure, rules, boundaries, and limitations. We have clear rules in our classes: children must address instructors as Sensei or Sir/Miss, line up in silence, and follow specific movements and techniques. When it’s time for tag sparring, they move freely. Kids love it because they know exactly what’s expected of them.

Our clear expectations and strict adherence to rules ensure safety and allow children to feel secure. This helps them perform to the best of their ability, take pride in their achievements, and grow in confidence.

As a parent, I used to worry that setting rules might be the opposite of nurturing. Was I being too harsh? Was it just a male trait to set rules? But after years of teaching karate to hundreds of children, I’ve seen that clear structure and rules have only positive outcomes.

For my kids, understanding the reasons and benefits of the rules helped them feel nurtured. As they grew older, I could relax those rules, but the foundation was already set. The freedom they felt within that structure far outweighed any concerns I had about being too strict.

If children are so comfortable with structure that they create their own rules in its absence, why not set rules that benefit their lives and yours? Rules about bedtimes, manners, screen time, exercise, and behavior in public help them understand expectations and, eventually, set those standards for themselves.

The more structure you provide, the more certainty, safety, and security your child will feel. And with that, they’ll have the freedom to explore and grow within those boundaries.

So, my advice? Turn your kid into a super kid by setting clear structure, rules, boundaries, and limitations. Trust me, they’ll be glad you did, and so will you.

Have fun and stay safe!

Mike Turbitt
Principal Instructor

For more of Mike's work check out the links below.

FREE Parent's Guide: 10 Ways you can help improve your child's Focus!

Ebook - How to Build a Black Belt Business

eBook - The Art of Teaching Karate Kids